Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you had me at cake vodka
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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