The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Houston, we have a squirter
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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