I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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