I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
