You really coming over, don't trick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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