the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
