She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
