Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
