you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
