your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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