Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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