I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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