good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
