i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
