i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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