I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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