Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
