Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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