This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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