I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize