He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
