Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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