Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
