i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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