I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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