he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
