So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
