The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize