i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
