took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
