Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize