hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
