sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
