Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
