Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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