i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
