people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
