you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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