i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
