i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
