Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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