bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
