Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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