They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
i think im in europe. pls send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
