god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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