Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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