my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
