he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
