fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The Olympian is in my bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
