I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
