It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
