I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
