if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
