my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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