What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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