his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
