When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
