JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
