Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
