i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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