She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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