did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
