If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We had sex on a dog bed..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
