Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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