So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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