then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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