Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this just has baby written all over it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
