My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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