You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
