Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
