The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
