We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
