imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
