At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
